| Day Five... |
[October 26, 8:24 pm] |
So, here I am. Day five and counting.
Anyone that says the first three days are the hardest is lying. Speaking as someone on their fifth day, it's worse now than it was three days ago. Not the cravings, the cravings are relatively gone. It's the emotions. I feel like I'm PMSing. (I'm not.) But I literally started laughing at something today, then immediately got angry at it, then started crying. Literally all within 45 seconds. I feel like I'm losing my marbles.
I can't imagine how difficult I am to be around right now. I feel like everyone wants to kill me. :P
I don't really have much to update about tonight. Other than the fact that I had a dream about Smosh last night... ::shifty eyes:: Yeah, it was weird.
I woke up and they had a new video on YouTube. It was almost like we're soulmates.
[/creepy]
:o)
Love
xx
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| Day Three: In progress... |
[October 24, 10:41 pm] |
Today's been a comfortable day. I've been at my Momma's house for the last few hours. It's nice and relaxing.
I've gotten a whole bunch of temptation left for me today, though. I think my uncle must have come over earlier and left half a cigarette in the ashtray.
Trust me in saying, even if it were my worst day while smoking, I wouldn't have looked at it twice. But because I know that I'm done, I'm tempted beyond where a normal person would be. I mean, even looking at it let off some crazy rush inside of me. I ignored it and moved on, but there was still this tugging at my brain. I just ended up coming inside and drinking a tea.
I've been extremely dizzy all day. When I first woke up, I was afraid to get up to go pee because I felt like I was going to get up and just topple down.
I feel like I want to talk about my way of getting through the cravings. :P
So let's do this...
( Behind the cut )
OH! And I had one of the proudest moments of my life last night. On the website that I'm using to quit smoking, my profile and my blogs got featured because I've been a huge inspiration to everyone! I'm so glad that I can help people out. I don't think they quite understand that they've helped me out more than they'll ever know. I seriously cried when I got the e-mail. I feel like I've made a huge group of friends even if they don't quite know it.
Robot Roll Call!
Love.
xx
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| Day Two... Completed. |
[October 24, 1:08 am] |
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Television -- Keeping Up Appearances. |
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Today was a very, very, very tough day. Tough enough that I didn't want to post again. I'm on Day Three now. I didn't think I was going to make it, honestly.
I caved, went to the store bought a single cigarette and lit it. I fought with myself for a hell of a long minute before putting the cigarette out without taking a drag off of it.
It was hell. And according to most Ex-Smokers, today (day three) is supposed to be the hardest day. If today is anything like yesterday, I'm going to lose my mind.
I've been chugging water left and right. I'll actually take a picture of my refridgerator right now just for the sake of this blog.
Don't be fooled, there are at least four more smaller bottles behind those.
( +1 )
I'm watching Keeping Up Appearances trying to get my mind off of all of the things going on.
I saw Erica at my Mom's tonight, which was lovely, but I just wasn't in the mood for company. The moment I left my apartment, I got very anxious like I just wanted to run back upstairs.
Tonight's the true test. I'll be alone for the next 11 hours. I know I can do it, but it's just that being alone gives my mind all this time to think. I don't know what to write at this point.
I'm sure I'll end up posting again before I go to bed.
Love.
xx
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| Day Two: In progress... |
[October 23, 4:56 pm] |
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So, I've had a nasty taste in my mouth since I woke up. Oh, yeah, I woke up at 4 PM because sure, I couldn't get to sleep, but when I WAS asleep, I wouldn't wake up. Joy.
Anyways, I keep brushing my teeth and nothing's getting rid of the taste. I wonder what it is.
Also, I'm having a LOT of trouble focusing right now. Writing this and otherwise, my eyes won't sit on anything for more than a couple seconds.
I'm going to go eat and clean a bit. I'm sure I'll post again later.
Love.
xx
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| Backtracking? |
[October 23, 5:36 am] |
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I'm aware in that last post I said that withdrawals are making me sleepy.
Remember that?
Well, yeah, I take that back. It's 5:37 AM and I'm sitting in bed. I'm trying to sleep, I promise. The worst part is the longer I stay awake, the more I crave. Because I always smoked a cigarette before bed. Tonight is the first night I haven't done that. I'm suspecting that my body's not allowing me to go to sleep because I haven't smoked. =/
Not fair. I was doing great up until this little speed bump. I want to watch television to get my mind off of it. But in every show I watch someone's smoking! How fair is that? :(
Y'know, I thought this would effect me so much more negatively than it has. I'm actually handling it very well and I couldn't be happier right now. Well, actually, the only way I could be happier is if I could get to sleep.
I'm also just realizing now that I had taken a two-hour nap at 9PM and that's probably another reason I can't get to sleep. >.<
Oh, well. Good thing I have a blog to take my mind off of it.
But more than the blog, I'm glad I have such great supporters behind me. :D
♥ you guys are awesome.
Love.
xx
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| Day One: Complete. |
[October 23, 3:35 am] |
Howdy, howdy, howdy.
I'm posting this simply for my own benefit. I guarantee you that in a month or so, I won't even remember that I did this.
Okay, so technically, yesterday at 12:50 a.m. I quit smoking.
I mean, yeah, sure, my stress levels are insanely far down and all, but it really wasn't as hard as I thought. I mean, it's more re-training myself not to do things that I'm used to.
I went to my mom's today to kindof get away from all of my triggers and whatnot, (Triggers are things that cause you to want to smoke more. i.e. driving, coffee, beer, etc.) and I mean, I didn't really have that much of a problem. I mean, here and there I occasionally got up and went outside and then realized it and went "whoa, that's weird."
Other than that though, I mean, it was alright. However, later on in the day it felt almost like I had a weird case of Tourette's or something.
( Other symptoms I endured today: )
Now, I know that this is a weird post and all, but it's helpful to me just to be able to rant about weird stuff and just type and know that I'm not going to get any weird backlash from it.
I am a member of a "Quit Smoking" website and it seems to be a great success for me. You can check out my profile there.
If you or a loved one has quit smoking and you have pointers or great stories, I would love to hear about them!
Thank you again!
Love
xx
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| "Getting Ready..." |
[October 23, 3:19 am] |
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music |
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Bo Burnham |
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Wednesday, (10/21/2009), I sent out a mass e-mail to my family and very close friends in my address book.
It went something like ( this: )
Now, I intend on updating daily as long as I have any problems, but I figured it would be a good point of reference to at least post the e-mail.
Everyone's been very supportive and I'm so grateful that I have these people in my life. I've posted it as a note on Facebook, and I've joined a quitting smoking forum. Everyone there is so helpful and I really don't think there could be a better time than now to do this.
This is so much better than I ever thought it could be. Thank you, everyone, for making this a pleasurable experience for me! I couldn't do it without you!
Love.
xx
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[March 6, 4:05 pm] |
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Whoa, like... I haven't even thought of this thing in years, but I randomly decided today that I'm going to use this at least for a little. But let's be honest here, since when does that mean anything?
So, I'm sort of addicted this website, BlogTV. I have no idea, it's like... taken over my life at this point. Also, I finally moved out of my mom's in August. I have a cute little place. I'm still in Woonsocket though, I mean... I just can't leave it yet. It's been good to me, haha.
Oh, so if anyone still uses this, the way to get a hold of me would probably be through me throwing out some links of stuff that I use.
So here goes.
( SHA! )
Errr, well, I mean, I have stuff to do right now, but if anyone wants to get at me, I check those things like it's my job.
Actually, I highly suggest getting a twitter.
Also, I'm always online, even if I'm not actually there, I'll get back to you.
AIM - omgbeckyyy
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[November 23, 7:18 pm] |
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I haven't written in this in a long time. I feel so crazy lately, like no matter what I do, it's not good enough, and maybe that's me just getting down on myself, but that's all I feel. It sucks.
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[January 27, 12:24 am] |
Touch me, baby.
Tainted love.
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[December 17, 4:58 pm] |
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What's wrong with me? I've become a huge nerd. :O
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[December 9, 7:59 pm] |
I've decided I make a better priest than a mage. And with that, I cannot wait for the Blood Elves.
I want a sweet Blood Elf Priest.
Done.
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[November 29, 12:01 pm] |
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New Character: lvl 21 Undead Mage.
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[September 27, 10:21 pm] |
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For you, I'd even try to turn the tide.
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[September 8, 5:24 pm] |
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I am happy.
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[June 3, 8:51 pm] |
Hello.
LL Cool J came to my school today.
Kbye.
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